Tory Young Boys v Zlatan Skanska FFS. Match Report.

Tory Young Boys fielded a strong side against Zlatan Skanska FFS for this International friendly, hosted by the Swedish constructionistas in their HQ at the Rickmansworth theatre of dreams.

A highly partisan crowd filed into the ground in an orderly fashion to witness this late season friendly, and their diligent adherence to corporate decorum was rewarded with both Cameronaldo and Giorgio Obso being named on the team sheet together, the first time they have started as a strike-pairing this season.

Not everyone in the crowd seemed impressed however, and a number of the home support appeared disappointed that pre-match rumours of a surprise appearance by the James Last big band and happy sound had proven to be inaccurate. It was later reported that the section of the crowd that had to be humanly managed were all contractors, and had only been added to the firm-wide meeting request by mistake.

The game started brightly, with Cameronaldo and Giorgio Osbo combining nicely down the centre right, using tactics that had obviously been well honed on the training ground. They moved the ball fluently between them and around a compliant Skanska FFS defence, before ‘Naldo attempted a long range effort which only just missed the target when he said that he knows what really matters are the people who lie behind the employment figures. It is not known if he was referring to IDS, his under pressure left back also known as Indeep Smit.

Skanska began to push forwards as they started to remember the script, and their well-disciplined midmanagement unit asked a number of questions of the Young Boys’ strike pairing in the middle of the park.

But there was no obvious way around the Young Boys’ front two, and all questions asked of them were answered with the kind of ease that only hours spent rehearsing with the full expected transcript can bring.

The match ended goalless, which is a fair reflection of a game that lacked any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Perhaps next year the beautiful game of football would be better served by just issuing a press release instead.

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