The main reason behind Dynamo Labourista’s recent move to their new Brewer’s Green training ground was to provide their first XI with a
lower cost more suitable platform for their 2015 assault on the Westminister Premiership title. Unfortunately, given their recent lack of high profile signings, it would appear that the sub-committee responsible for the move forgot to include one essential piece of hardware on the project plan, the humble fax machine.
It is not a cliche to say that the 1980’s arrival of fax technology into the executive boardroom has revolutionised the business of transfer wheeler-dealing. Gone are the days of a club having to maintain a stable full of thoughroughbred stallions for the inevitable close-of-window fast ride into London, and many of the lofts that were traditionally used to communicate with the player’s agents are now free of birds completely.
But fortune was to smile on the Labourista, and it was reported that they were able to secure a suitable device with a 50% off voucher code from the Staples website.
Millibandini appeared to lose no time in getting it loaded with paper, and sent off a request for an International Clearance to the Westminister Sporting Board for a high profile signing from the American leagues.
Davros A-Rod had been persuaded to switch codes from MLS soccer to premiership football by the Labourista magister of electionology, Doogie Axiomatic. Several Brewer’s Green insiders are reported to have said that that A-Rod had been tapped-up by Millibandini and Axiomatic some time ago, and they were just waiting for the technology to arrive before making the final approach.
It is safe to assume that A-Rod’s signing is partially in response to Cameronaldo’s strengthening of his back office coaching staff, following his recent swoops for Lynching Crosby and Jame “I’m not the Messiah” Messia.
Partisan Libra DC also have their own high profile foreign superstar in the shape of Don Rylan Cortese, whose favoured position seems to be playing quietly through the middle of the park as Clegginigge’s first choice problem solver. Sources close to DCHQ have suggestted that Don Cortese has already acquired a reputation for providing innovative solutions to internal organisational problems, and, as one insider put it, Mr Cortese is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately.
It is understood that results will be improving shortly as Cortese is now in regular training with the front bench first team, and has reportedly formed a potent strike partnership with the DC false-nine, Dannie Zander.
At a recent drive-by press conference, the DC first team physio, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, was asked if Partisan stood a chance in the 2015 premiership title race and was quoted as saying, “Yes… I mean, no… I mean, yes.” which shows a significant improvement in confidence that many are attributing to Don Cortese’s arrival.
Elsewhere around the Partisan Libra DC there seems to be an uncharacteristic silence surrounding the club’s operations, with a number of previously outspoken and prominent DC club members all unexpectedly being called away on extended vactions to the countryside, and are not expected back.
The DC veteran midfield general, Vinny Caball, was also unavailable for comment, but it is understood he is currently in Reading after falling asleep on his train journey home, and in his case, that is entirely believable.
We will bring you more innane guess work and unsubstantiated drivel as soon as we hear it, so if you can be bothered, then stay tuned.