Bercorini condemns commons refit proposal

MarshallStack

Joni Bercorini has publicly condemned plans by the Blues star striker, Cameronaldo, which we understand to involve a major upgrade of the Commons stadium PA system.

It is believed that Cameronaldo had tasked a team of external consultants to improve the sound quality within the venue, and lead contractor, Lemmy from Motorhead, had put together an audacious plan to install quadrophonic Marshall stacks within each corner of the historic chamber.

The plan had received unilateral cross party support, and had passed the initial committee agreement phase before Bercorini returned early from his holiday home in Lake Como to find a number of roadies colluding with Black Rod to check if the doorways were large enough for the mixing desks and amplifier racks.

Rumour has it that Cameronaldo had initially told his spokesmanship Bercorini that the Commons was looking a little tired, and could benefit from a little “freshening up” with perhaps a few licks of Deep Purple. Bercorini reportedly approved of that and happily signed it off, as purple is a regal colour that would perfectly complement his golden skin tone. Cameronaldo was delighted that the speaker was pleased, and suggested that the best lick of the Purple to go for was the classic original mix of Smoke on the Water, which has a lovely deep tone.

Uncertainty now surrounds the project, and initial reports of The Alan Parsons Project being booked for the official switching-on with a reprise of their first album, Tales of Mystery and Imagination, remain unconfirmed.

It is alleged that Bercorini has put forward a counter proposal involving the redevelopment of the public gallery into a performance space for an acoustic band of wandering minstrels that are currently enjoying his favoured patronage.

The likely outcome to all this is that despite having spent many days in debate, absolutely nothing will happen. In other words, normal business will be resumed shortly.

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